I was on site to film a group of a client’s employees enjoying Macau and Hong Kong for four days. Here’s some pictures of the things you’ll see if you’re not cursing at the roulette wheel of a casino.

st-paul's-ruins
Ruínas de São Paulo
The Ruins of St Paul’s are all that’s left of what was at the time one of the largest Catholic Cathedrals in Asia. Built from 1582 to 1602 the Cathedral of St Paul – also known as Mater Dei – was reinforced with steel in the 1990s so the dangerously leaning structure didn’t crush the millions of people that visit it every year. I know it would be impossible to crush everyone that visited in a year with a single collapse but you know what I mean.

construction
Under Construction
Macau’s tag of being like an Asian Vegas is probably not fair on Las Vegas. But with the current rate at which hotels are being built it’s probably not far off. Often our tour guide would indicate to a bare patch of earth with nothing but the earliest indications that any humans had set foot on the plot, the property surrounded by signage proudly boasting an enormous hotel would be open within months.

truck
Delivery Truck, Cotai Strip.
Just like our Zac, this truck is sitting there doing nothing.
Only joking, mate. But seriously, get back to work.

call-girl
Business Card
They say money doesn’t buy happiness but the smile on the faces of the wealthy businessmen strutting through the hotels on the Cotai Strip arm-in-arm with readily available escorts paints an entirely different picture. They’re all like 😀

worker-resting
Smoko
It’s warm in April – mid to high 20s – but it’s the 98% humidity that saps you. Contrastingly, the hotels’ air-conditioning is set at a frigid 18 degrees to make sure you don’t doze off at the tables. I think this guy is sleeping in a drawer.

beach
South China Sea
For an island – that is, land girt by sea – there are very few places you would say had nice water views. On the South-Eastern coast, you can visit the beach and take a dip in the South China Sea. Breathtaking.

year-of-the-horse
Year of the Horse
According to the Chinese Horoscope, 2014 is the year of the Wood Horse. Horses of the wood characteristic are said to be logical, inspirational, intelligent, and friendly, yet restless, high-strung, and lacking in discernment. These two are obviously wood horses.

junk
Junk, Victoria Harbour, Hong Kong
An hour’s ferry-ride away is Hong Kong, technically known as Hong Kong Special Administrative Region of the People’s Republic of China. ‘The Kong’ or ‘Hongkers’ is frowned upon.

Victoria-Peak
Victoria Peak
The view from the top of the 554m mountain is pretty great even on a smoggy night. Plus there’s a really powerful set of binoculars set up that you can use for free. So powerful, in fact, that you can lip read the people looking back at you from inside their apartments 200 metres away. They’re saying “I’d put some pants on but it’s not like anyone can see me from here.”

HK-butcher
Butcher

Australia is far too stringent with their food safety laws when it comes to refrigeration of uncooked meats. Did you know meat won’t get salmonella or go off if you hang it up?

HK-cobbler
Cobbler
This guy had absolutely no interest in repairing my shoes. I’m wondering if cobbler might mean something else in Hong Kong. Like collector of junk or something.

HKbike
F**K YOU BIATCH
Not sure if this was directed at foreigners – gweilo – like me visiting from Sidney [sic] or whether it was directed at some poor guy called Sidney but it’s good to see ‘biatch’ is still being thrown around.

umbrellas
Umbrella repairs
My Chinese is probably my 24th best language so I’m only speculating what this shop was. I would say that during opening hours they offered repairs to umbrellas (there were no new ones) using parts from other umbrellas. Like a pick-a-part for brollies.

incense
Cliché
Oh, like you wouldn’t have taken the same photo.

flowers
Flowers, Stanley Market
(Not for sale)

fanny-pack
Fanny Pack
Before Batman got loads of cash and the backing of Wayne Enterprises, I imagine his first utility belt would have been something like this. Also, the person who stacked that box in the truck; I can see how this would be confusing. Is it ‘THIS WAY UP’ so the writing’s read correctly, or is it ‘THIS WAY UP’ so the writing’s at the top of the box, regardless of which way it’s read?

funeral
Funeral
According to Feng Shui, people should be buried facing the water and, if possible, against the side of a hill or mountain for back support. This funeral – the cemetery is directly opposite the famous Happy Valley Racecourse – might have been for a famous person or mafia identity because there were loads of cameras flashing.

bamboo-scaffolding
Bamboo Scaffolding
This part of the exhibition and convention building is a bit bigger that the size of the Sydney Opera House. The scaffolding is entirely made of bamboo. Apart from the bits that they use to tie the bamboo together. Who knows what that stuff is.

HK-store
Witch’s House
Well, that was my guess. But apparently it’s kind of like a general store for herbs and teas. And, according to a Chinese lady travelling with us, the writing on the doorposts says something like ‘peace and happiness to this family, peace and happiness to the millions’. Lovely sentiment but I was hoping for something about trespassers being turned into goats.

Monger
Fish Monger
I don’t know if this guy was a licensed fish monger because if you look at those cuts it looks quite arbitrary. Maybe he’s an apprentice who’s been given a bunch of fish to practise with. Like an Asian version of the Swedish Chef.
“Noo ni-noo and a bort, bort-bort-bort.” *chop, slash, wallop, bang*